HOW TO PREVENT DIVORCE IN MARRIAGE
Divorce is simply the cutting off of the matrimonial bond according to scriptures.
The state defines it as the dissolution of a marriage by a competent body.
I looked at the study conducted by Forbes and it shows that divorce has been on the decline since 2002 and the fact that we say 50% of all marriages end in divorce may be wrong; if it was correct, at least it is no longer correct now.
IS THIS GOOD NEWS?
While we may be tempted to think this is good news, it is in no way good because what this means is that many people are no longer getting married.
A lot of couples are cohabiting or staying single while having the benefits of marriage.
This means that for divorce to occur there has to be first a marriage.
Hence, if people are not marrying, divorce will not occur.
For this study, we are looking at how divorce can be prevented, divorce-proving your marriage, now or in the future.
THE ROOT CAUSE OF DIVORCE
When there is a fire outbreak, firefighters do not go trying to put out the thick black smoke filling the air, they fight the fire, not the smoke.
When we teach about divorce literally, we are fighting the smoke, not the fire. Something is causing the fire, when we take care of the fire, the smoke dies out naturally.
We must understand what causes divorce so that we can root it out.
First off, nothing happens in the physical that hasn’t happened in the spiritual, remember we agreed to find the cause of divorce and tackle it.
When a couple is arguing or having marital challenges, many times the issue is not about what they are arguing about. The logic may sound reasonable but it is nothing logical.
THE VISION STATEMENT OF THE ENEMY
John 10:10
“10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” NIV
What he does is to first of all steal something from you, then he can kill and then destroy.
Until he steals, he cannot kill nor can he destroy.
The question then becomes, what does he steal?
Let’s look at the examples of people he stole from, later killed, and destroyed.
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EVE
Satan stole something from Eve, before he could kill them and destroyed what they had going on.
Most of all the temptations of man from the Garden of Eden are about IDENTITY. When we take our identity from other places other than our source, then we have missed the point.
Genesis 3:4-5
“4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.
5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” NIV
Eve was already like God and didn’t need to be like him anymore, but she didn’t understand who she was so she separated herself from God, for her to fall.
If she didn’t think herself to be different from God, she wouldn’t want to be like God.
This also happens in marriage.
Any area where a couple declares independence is where divorce comes in.
It is this separation or independence from the source that degenerates into divorce.
Remember Ephesians 4:27
“27 and do not give the devil a foothold” NIV
Separation is the foothold we give to the enemy to take the life of the marriage.
We have two types of marriages
- Spiritual marriage
- Physical marriage
The spiritual marriage is the marriage we have with Jesus Christ, he is our husband and we are his groom. Find our article on this here
The physical marriage is the marriage we have with our spouse.
Now, the physical marriage is a shadow or the representation of the marriage we have with the lamb as Apostle Paul rightly puts it.
Ephesians 5:25 – 33
“25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.
31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 3
2 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” NIV
The physical marriage we have is a representation of the spiritual marriage and why there is no marriage between male and female in heaven is because there is marriage between the lamb and his bride.
So, I went to this point, to show you that when the physical marriage is having issues, then it stems from the spiritual marriage or it shows the decadence that exists in our spiritual marriage.
Permit me to say that, physical marriage is the smoke, the spiritual marriage is the fire.
Having identified the fire, let us look at what has gone wrong.
Eve separated herself from God, she then wanted to be like God which is who she already is.
The serpent stole her identity and was able to kill and destroy her.
If you do not think of yourself as different from God, a lot of things will be in place and the enemy cannot access you.
1 Peter 5:8
“8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. “
It is not everyone he can devour, to devour means to kill and destroy, but only those whom he can steal their identity from, and then he uses them as he wants.
Apart from God, we can do nothing
John 15:5 – 6
“5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.
6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire, and burned.”
The root cause of divorce is identity crisis.
Satan also brought the identity game to Jesus when he told him if you are the son of God, turn this stone to bread – Matthew 4:6
Hence, you make a mental separation of yourself from God or your spouse, divorce is lurking at your door.
Our security lies in our identity. Never declare independence from God.
Another example of who Satan stole his identity from before he could kill and destroy is
- SAMSON
Samson had instructions he should stick with which shows his oneness with God, but he chose to go his way and do things his way and it landed him into trouble.
The major problem and temptation every believer faces is “good thing” versus “God-thing”
We think hence it is good, it must be God. Good things can be us thinking and coming up with ideas while what God wants for us is entirely different.
We are not necessarily going in the direction of evil but we are going in the direction of self which is not God.
Self stands in the way of God more than evil does.
Good or self has a stronger argument against God’s will than evil does.
And it is a big problem.
No woman can impregnate herself, it is an aberration, this is what happens when we come up with seeds ourselves, we give birth and want to force God to accept the bastard fruit we brought forth.
Many times, the suggestions of the enemy are not bad things, they are good things. Hence you buy into that, it takes you away from your divine stand which is God’s will for you, a sort of way you declare independence from God, and once you do that, whether you are conscious of it or not, it opens the door for the enemy to attack you.
THE THREE MAJOR CAUSES OF DIVORCE
The three major causes of divorce are
- Infidelity or sex-related issues
- Money
- Communication
Dealing with them will show how to prevent divorce
SEX/INFIDELITY
Sex is one of the biggest causes of divorce, not just physically but spiritually too. There is no marriage after infidelity according to what the scripture says.
But the couple can decide to work on their marriage and make it work, God wouldn’t say no.
Matthew 19:9
“9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” NIV
The question becomes what sponsors infidelity? Independence!
When a partner thinks of himself as different from the partner, that is when they can commit adultery.
We are one body with our spouses.
Ephesians 5:31
“31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” NIV
Anytime a man or woman thinks in terms of me, me, and me, anything is possible including adultery. A couple who appreciates their being one body will hardly struggle with adultery.
MONEY
The next big issue is with money – your money, my money syndrome. Many couples could afford to be one in everything but money. Many would prefer to risk their lives for money.
Some marry to swindle others of their hard-earned money, and a lot of mindsets around money.
Whenever you see a couple who is one in their money sense, divorce hardly occurs.
COMMUNICATION
Assumption is not communication. When people communicate, half of the problems they face are resolved.
Some wives/husbands are angry for nothing, they are angry because they never allowed the other party to explain themselves.
They didn’t communicate their expectations or even frustrations. Communication is key in any relationship and every marriage with a robust communication culture thrives.
Communication goes beyond self and allows the other person to speak their minds but when we see ourselves as different from our spouses, we tend to think they do not deserve to be heard.
If we are one and we deserve to be heard, then they too deserve to be heard.
Even in our relationship with our husband – Jesus Christ, these three factors still hold.
We do not fellowship with him which is the physical sex we have with our spouses, we go looking for money and not God.
The bible did say we cannot serve God and mammon – Matthew 6:24.
And we do not communicate with him at all, it is either we do not even approach him or we make our meeting with him about us alone, where we come and shout our expectations at him and then go our way.
We should communicate and communication is often a dialogue.
CONCLUSION
To fix the issue of marriage, we have to derive our identity appropriately.
Who and whose are we?
We have to fix our relationship with God which overflows in our earthly marriage as we also approach our marriage, the same way we approach God.
When couples have good relationships with God individually, they tend to have better relationships with God because that is where life flows from and the very same principles we apply with God work with our spouses.
Hence we fix our walk with God, we can fix our relationship with our partners and then, the fire of divorce can greatly decrease while we live in a better world.
I love you
Find how to prepare for marriage article here
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