(The Number One Reason)

The choice pf  partner
Life partner

Who to marry is one of the biggest decisions to be made in life, if not the toughest.

Many prefer to be told who to marry, at least they can defer to the person who chose for them if issues come up while others prefer situations to choose for them.

Some go ahead to take the bull by the horns, while some are lucky to end up well, many miss out entirely.

Only a few know exactly who to choose and own up to their decision.

Today, we will discuss the number one reason why people choose the wrong person to marry.

Let us go back to the inception of marriage when God was looking for a wife for Adam.

The man was created last – the male and female man. But creation is a spiritual activity that doesn’t often manifest physically.

However, in the making process of creation which is the manifestation of the spiritual things already created, man came first.

Genesis 2:4 – 7

This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created when the Lord God made the earth and the heavens.

Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth[a] and no plant had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no one to work the ground, but streams[b] came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground.

Then the Lord God formed a man[c] from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Everything has been created but not yet formed (manifested) because there was no man to take care of them.

After God formed man, He placed him in the Garden of Eden and now he wanted to have a helpmeet.

Genesis 2:18

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” NIV

The search was for a life partner and guess what God did?

Genesis 2:19 – 20

19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky, and all the wild animals.

But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found.

In search of a helpmeet, God formed animals and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them.

Remember that animals have been created just like Eve was created at the same time as Adam.

God formed Adam first, why didn’t God go directly to form Eve and bring her to Adam?

Why did he have to form animals first and bring them to Adam to see what he would call them?

This is the question that begs for an answer.

It was after Adam named all of them and didn’t call any wife that God did what He would have done the first time.

Genesis 2:21

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said,

“This is now the bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.” NIV


After God formed Eve, He brought her to Adam to name and Adam called her his wife after he recognized that this one is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

Another question that boggled my mind was – what if Adam settled with an elephant or a chimpanzee?

What if? Does it mean man will now marry animals?

What would have happened to Eve in the spiritual realm? Because Adam didn’t know God had a woman for him somewhere.

No, he didn’t ….

He just rejected what was placed before him and recognized Eve immediately when she came on board.

Many are of the school of thought that God later realized that Adam was alone and needed a helpmeet.

And that Eve was inside Adam at first and God had to separate Eve from Adam.

Genesis 2:21 – 22

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh.

22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” NIV

The scripture above accounts for the making of Eve not the creation of Eve.

Eve was created along with Adam.

Genesis 1:27

27 So God created mankind in his image,
in the image of God, he created them;
male and female, he created them.” NIV

None of them were inside each other. Their spirit man was a different entity and equal to each other.

Then, Adam was made first before Eve and he was made/formed from dust.

Genesis 2:7

Then the Lord God formed a man[c] from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” NIV

While Eve was formed from man

Genesis 2:21 – 22

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” NIV

So, it was the making of Eve that God took raw material from Adam and made Eve – Eve was never an afterthought, she has been part of the plan from the onset.



The answer is that God was testing Adam’s identity. He wanted to know if Adam knew who he was.

Did he think himself to be an animal?

It is not humility for a lion to pair with a sheep neither is it an act of friendship for an eagle to fly with chickens! The eagle will underperform.

There is no friendship without identity.

Identity crisis is the major reason people marry the wrong person, they do not know who they are.

Most people marry people who are available to them.

I have heard many women make the marriage decision by comparing their suitors with each other and then coming up with who they think is better among them.

There is nothing that touches them in the decision process, it is about who has shown up in the period they want to make the marriage decision.

Remember the Bible said in 2 Corinthians 10:12

12 For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” KJV

Adam would have chosen from the available options but he had the proper identity of himself. He knew he wasn’t an animal and wouldn’t reduce himself to that level because that was the available option.


Even when the options available don’t match, it is the knowledge of who you are that will inform your decision to wait, knowing that the right person will show up.

Identity crisis causes anxiety and the feeling of being unsure if someone else will show up, so let me manage what I have now.

A proper sense of self will always know I am worth more and I will wait because I know there is someone for me.

And while you are waiting, you go to sleep with zero worries.


I do not know what may have happened because God had made provision for the death of Jesus even before the world began, giving man an opportunity to fall or not.

Jesus is the lamb slain before the foundation of the world – Revelation 13:8

If Adam had not fallen, there wouldn’t have been a need for Jesus to come in the flesh.

Who knows if there was an opportunity God made available in case man falters in this test?

But I know God was doing PRODUCT TESTING.

When manufacturers create a new product, they test the product to be sure it functions properly before sending it out to consumers.

They put it under extreme conditions not to tempt it (seeking to destroy it) but to test it to be sure it works maximally.

This I believe is what God did in bringing the animals first.

To ensure Adam knew his divinity status.


How to know if you married right is the reason with which you married. The reason for marriage determines if one marries right or wrong.

People marry for the following reasons

  1. Money
  2. Social status
  3. Height
  4. Complexion
  5. Location
  6. Body build
  7. Love
  8. Religion
  9. Children
  10. Peer pressure

When a woman marries for financial reasons, looking for a man who bails her out of financial stress, it is not always easy to point it to an identity crisis. Oftentimes we think it is materialism but it is not.

You see, a man should take care of the home providing for the needs of his family that is the normal thing to do. If a woman makes this a priority, then there is a problem.

When you hear some women pray for a life partner, it is almost as though they are asking God to replace himself in their lives with a man.

God, I want a provider, a protector, someone who will teach me and make me happy – all they are asking is for everything God is to us.

A woman should marry a man who is financially stable and who is financially responsible but that shouldn’t be all she is looking out for.

I know some women who are looking for a man who is abroad, hence he is abroad, nothing else counts.

That is bad.

They do not look at the compatibility of purpose and spiritual compatibility.

If a woman understands she is god and that according to his divine power has given to us all that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that called us to glory and virtue. 2 Peter 1:3

An understanding of how to access this will help her know that money can never be a challenge for her.

She, herself can make all the money she needs.


How about location? Your father owns the earth and all that is in it, you only need to want to travel and learn how to access God’s provision and you are well on your way.


Many people marry for love and they go in search of love in a partner. But we are not to marry for love neither are we to go in search of love, because all the love we need is resident in us and all we need do is to recognize that we have it.

The love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who lives in us.

The very love God has, the very same love is what we have. What we go looking for is resident in us.


Physical attributes like height, complexion, body structure, etc because we are yet to understand that the content in a container is more important than the container.

Moreover, we are all wonderfully and beautifully made. The identity of who we are and who we are marrying will sort out these issues.


Identity will help you understand that you belong to the biggest family that ever existed. We belong to the family of God and there is no social class higher than this.

The things we go looking for are exactly what we have and because we do not know, we go for them.

Because a man doesn’t understand the source of all good things, he will go out of his way to make money to take care of his family or even impress his peers.

Having the right identity of who you are in Christ will lift the heavy burden and help you know you have a God who is responsible for you.

Now the question becomes, do you know who you are?

Many people are with animals and they are managing because they think they are animals.

Adam understood who he was and never settled for less else he would gone for what is substandard.

When we marry wrong, it is because we do not identify with who we are, we think less of who we are.

The right way to prepare for marriage is to understand who you are in the following ways.

  1. Your identity in God
  2. Your inheritance in God
  3. Your purpose in God
  4. What marriage is about.

These are the basic things that will aid your choice of a life partner.

Here is the link to our article on How To Worship God In Spirit And Truth

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