Valid Family

HOW TO LOVE YOUR PARTNER PERFECTLY

It was January 1, 2022, I went to the market to get a few ingredients for my New Year stew.

I saw a few people who gathered together, I could tell something was wrong.

The story was everywhere and some came to where I was buying stuff and told the story.

WHAT HAPPENED?

A man dated a woman for years, they were planning to marry and of course, sex was normal in their relationship.

She has aborted three pregnancies for this man because he said he wasn’t ready.

She always supports him financially to boost his business, so they can finally marry.

A few weeks before this day they shared this story. The man came to her and borrowed the sum of #200,000, he told her he needed it for his business.

However, he was seeing another lady who was three months pregnant with him and he wanted to marry her and leave this other lady.

He used the money to do a mini traditional wedding quietly and they all came home.

But nothing is hidden under the sun, news got to this other lady and she invited him over to her place.

The point was that he was still seeing her and pretending everything was okay, I do not understand what his plan was but he kept the two ladies active in his life.

On December 31^st, he told his new wife and his family that he was going to a crossover service in his church while he was going to see his first girlfriend.

They ate together and had sex.

News had it that around 4 am, the lady got up, took some fuel she bought, poured it inside the room, and lit a fire.

As she was about to run out, the guy who was already awake held on to her and she wasn’t able to run away.

They were in the fire until help came and before it came, it was too late. They were badly hit and were rushed to hospital.

The news broke out in the morning of the new year and many people were of many different opinions.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?

Before we discuss the turnout of events for these lovers, let us look at the different opinions I sampled that fateful morning.

1. She would have moved on with her life and she will find someone else
2. She did well but she didn’t calculate well
3. Luck ran out on her
4. She would have confronted the man
5. The man played too smart, serves him right
6. They were not meant to be together.
7. The man is in a better position because someone is pregnant for him, so there is someone he left behind to continue his lineage
8. Marriage is not a do-or-die affair.

Anyway, both of them died because they couldn’t survive the degree of burns they sustained.

That was a sad tale.

Marriage is one of the major decisions we have to make in life.

While many could make the decision easily and be sure of whom they decided to marry, many are afraid.

Not just afraid of who they married but oftentimes, afraid of themselves and afraid of the unknown.

Many people are afraid of monogamy and if they will be able to stick to one partner for life, so monogamy is nothing they think they can do.

Some are afraid of being sincere and truthful in their marriages, least their partner would turn around tomorrow and divorce them.

This fear has made many people hide properties, money, and opportunities from their partners.

Many men do not want their women to fly high she sees other men and despise them while some women are aware that their husbands have concubines.

At the root of the many issues cropping up in marriage is FEAR.

In Western countries, women form the habit of targeting high-profile men, marrying them to divorce only after a few years when they have had children together; they pay for child support and share their properties.

That is the plan from day one and men learned to do prenuptial agreements to protect themselves from gold diggers.

At the base of a prenuptial agreement is FEAR.

Many marriages suffer from fear of the following.

1. Fear of self
2. Fear of spouse
3. Fear of the unknown
4. Fear of divorce
5. Fear of infidelity
6. Fear of poverty
7. Fear of childlessness
8. Fear of family members
9. Fear of unfaithfulness etc

Fear is a big threat to a wholesome marriage. No marriage can thrive and reach its potential when one or both partners are afraid. Many people are even afraid of getting married.

There is one solution to the issue of fear, just one.

The solution is to love perfectly.

Imperfect love has fear and hence there is fear the marriage is in danger.

HOW CAN ONE LOVE PERFECTLY?

The question then becomes, how can one love perfectly?

There is a solution to it according to what the scripture says

1 John 4:18

“¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” NIV

To love perfectly, we have to delete fear.

In the game of love, there should be no fear.

It is fear that makes people do the following

1. Prenuptial agreement
2. Buying properties in their name without their spouse being aware
3. Having an extra extramarital affair
4. Divorce
5. Crisis in marriage.

There is always fear underlying most of the challenges in marriage.

IS THE FEAR VALID?

While we cannot write off the fear, we sure can look at the situation to critically understand the origin of the fear.

Many times, a marriage should thrive if fear is absent but fear itself introduces an issue because fear is like faith, it creates things that weren’t in existence.

MARRIAGE IS BY FAITH

Someone asked me what is the guarantee I have that my husband will not cheat me or divorce me later in life.

My answer was simply none.

She asked me again – what is the guarantee that you will not cheat on him or stay faithful throughout your married life?

Again, I responded none.

Because I understand that marriage is by faith.

Faith and fear are the same things but in the opposite direction, parallel to each other and never going to meet.

Whichever one you choose to work with, they will call the things that are not as though they were.

Let us examine the life of Job in the Bible.

The scripture says the following about him.

Job 1: 1 – 5

“1 In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.

² He had seven sons and three daughters, ³ and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yokes of oxen, and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East.

⁴ His sons used to hold feasts in their homes on their birthdays, and they would invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them.

⁵ When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be purified. Early in the morning, he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.

One translation said he was a perfect man. However, when calamity struck in his life, he made a statement that showed his weakness.

Job 3:25

“²⁵ What I feared has come upon me;
what I dreaded has happened to me.” NIV

He said the thing I feared most came upon me, this came after God lifted the hedge he built around him.

Job 1: 9 – 12

“⁹ “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied.

¹⁰ “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land.

¹¹ But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”

¹² The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” NIV

There was a hedge around him. Satan had done all he could to access the life of Job and there was no entrance, he left him to go meet God who built the hedge around him.

When Satan obtained permission, guess what he did?

He tempted him in the area of his greatest fear.

That was why he lamented that the thing he feared greatly had come on him.

So, your temptation is in the area of your fear.

Fear is an aroma that attracts that which you do not want, just like faith soaks in that which you want.

The difference is in your perspective, do you choose to focus on what you do not want or on what you want?

Marriage is by faith and not fear.

The principles of marriage by faith are different from the principles of marriage by fear.

The choice is yours, when you decide on how you want to marry, look for the principles that support your decision and build with them.

While many marriages are crashing, many marriages are successful too.

What is the difference? Luck?

Nay it is no luck, it is the principle being applied and worked out.

Whatever you do out of fear is likely to attract that which you are avoiding, and when it happens, you are likely to be happy that you took the steps you took to protect yourself.

However, it was the exact steps you took that gave birth to what happened.

If you didn’t take those steps, those things may not have happened, you called them into being.

DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?

Yes! Because we live in a fallen world.

You have to decide to live fully, to love fully no matter what will come out of it.

And also have faith in the person who instituted marriage – God.

He alone can rectify issues and get us back on our feet.

I am saying to relinquish your taste for power and control to whom it belongs – God.

We cannot control the outcome of events, we cannot.

Apostle said in

1 Corinthians 3:6

“⁶ I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. ⁷ So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” NIV

He planted and Apollos watered, none of the things they did guarantee an increase, however, they still did what they had to do.

Knowing it is not up to them to control the outcome of events. That is how marriage should work.

Do your part and leave control to God.

That is how to live a fulfilling life and how to have a successful marriage.

Stop looking for guarantees because there are none.

However, you may choose to protect yourself and bring upon yourself what shouldn’t be while some would choose to protect themselves at all costs.

But marriage is for the vulnerable not the strong.

The fact that you are strong is one reason why your marriage may suffer a shipwreck, it takes the vulnerable to make a marriage.

However, this doesn’t in any way suggest you should be in a marriage where your life is in danger.

Rather, it is geared at telling you not to fear or look for guarantees but to take the walk of faith in marriage.

Fear has torment – 1 John 4:18.

“¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Do not torment your marriage, marry by faith.

In a marriage where the couple is afraid and everyone is trying to protect themselves from themselves, guard against each other: if the marriage continues, it becomes bland with no flavours because they are living in torment.

Freedom in marriage lies in how vulnerable the partners can be.

Naked but not ashamed!

When you can’t go naked before your partner, then the essence of marriage is gone.

Are you naked before your spouse?

Are you all covered up waiting for who will go naked first?

A naked person walks in faith.

No clause anywhere!

No signed agreement to fall back to except the vows of the marriage – till death do us part.

 

I love you

PS: Find our article on how to access your inheritance in God here.